Signs I Have Been in Australia Just Long Enough

When someone asks, “How you going?” I don’t do a double take and I can answer them straight away.

Steering wheels on the right side of the car look normal. As do cars keeping to the left side of the road.

Words like Aussie, Tazzie, sparkie, uni, Chrissie, prezzie, sunnies, Esky, and mozzie make perfect sense to me, and I can even be heard using them.  But while I can say them I don’t know if I can actually spell them.

I’ve been living in Melbourne pronounced “mel bun” not “mel born” and I’ve visited places like Canberra (can bra), Cairns (cans), and Moe (mo  ee).

CBD, APT, CRT, PLT, and EOI mean something to me.

When I put something on the bench, I’m really putting it on the counter.

I understand when I read the weather report in the newspaper and it says “fine” (not cloudy, or sunny, or rainy just “fine”).

You buy your petrol at the servo.

I carry a mobile and not a cell phone.

Anytime is a good time for a cuppa.

I can just about mimic Aussie counting by slurring over my teen numbers and saying, “sixdean, sevendean, eighdean”.

When my students ask for textas , grey leads and rubbas I know they just want felt pens, pencils and erasers.

I know that capsicums, pumpkin, and rocket are really peppers (the green, red, or yellow type), squash, and arugula. 

Sauce typically means ketchup, and chooks are chickens.

It is easy to find a long black or a flat white but nearly impossible to find a drip cup of coffee.

When I leave my house in Melbourne I always bring long sleeves with me because you just never know when the weather will change.

I’m no longer correcting the spelling of the word mum.

A Victorian cursive font b and p look normal to me.

Putting a bottle of wine in my airplane carry on luggage is a perfectly acceptable way to travel domestically.

Having only four TV channels seems normal.

Four minute showers seem like long showers (but boy do I ever miss my bath tub).

I’m used to being referred to as a “teacha”.

I can properly use the “Aussie” sided brakes and the gears on my Aussie road bike.

I can complain about the dependability of (or lack of) the Melbourne commuter trains.

Sweet biscuits and savory biscuits are really just cookies and crackers.

If a child is whinging, souking or crook they are really just whining, sulking or sick.

When I’m invited for tea I know they are inviting me for dinner.

I put my rubbish in the bin and usually bring my own wine to restaurants.
I understand how a hook turn works, and I feel pretty confident that I could make one.

Rice Bubbles and Sultana Bran is exactly the same as Rice Crispies and Raisin Bran.

When I’m offered pie, I’m pretty certain it isn’t made with fruit.

I’m giving directions to tourists on the trams and in the streets.

So with that in mind I think it is time for me to catch my plane. So long Australia, it’s been a slice.